Selected passages from “Listening so a child can speak,” chapter 5, pages 35–36.
For an optional conversation, put paper or another accessible creative material within reach and say, “Would you like to make somewhere you enjoy being? I can make one too.” Let your child choose people, animals, imaginary characters or no figures at all. They may prefer describing, arranging objects, using symbols or declining. Ask permission before a question: “Would you like to tell me anything about yours?” Accept “no” without interpreting it.
Fictional example: Esi draws a bus with herself beside the driver and no family members. Her aunt almost asks why the family has been excluded. Instead she says, “You put a lot of windows in.” Esi explains that she wants to drive a bus that takes everyone to the sea. The conversation is about her idea, rather than an adult's theory of the picture.
Leave more than one way to reach you
Some children start an important conversation while you are washing up; others need a message, a communication device, a walk or a trusted person beside them. Offer choices without turning every shared activity into an interview. “You can tell me, show me, write it or ask someone to help you explain.” A parent who is driving should keep attention on the road and stop safely if the conversation needs it.
Practise a conversation without rushing its ending
Choose an ordinary conversation and practise three moves: listen, check, then respond. Listen without preparing your verdict. Check with a brief summary: “You wanted a turn, and when it didn’t happen you felt ignored. Have I understood?” Respond to the actual concern, whether that means offering comfort, discussing a limit or planning a next step.